I had every intention of posting this on Thursday because of Demisexual Pride, but I’ve been busy and so that didn’t happen. But it is now.
I thought since it’s Pride Month, I’d talk about sexuality, how I feel about my own and my own personal theory (which is not proven to be true or false, just something that makes sense in my head). I’ve been an ally for the LGBTQA+ community pretty much all my life (I would say all but ask a kid, it wasn’t really talked about and so I wasn’t so much aware, but secondary school we became very aware) and with so many friends and family identifying in many different ways, it’s something important to me. Like the community’s rights and activism is something I would put towards the top of my priority list.
Because of this and my lack of relationships in school (and life), this made me go on a bit of a personal journey trying to discover who I am. For my entire secondary school life, people were adamant I was lesbian. No boyfriend or real crush on anyone = you are lesbian. Because that logic is legitimate. Day in, day out, people would force this assumption onto me to the point where I felt they knew me better than I did. Maybe I was a lesbian. Maybe I saw no attraction in guys. For some time, I thought about the possibilities of being attracted to women. But nothing. Zero. Zilch. Nothing at all. So if I wasn’t attracted to guys or girls… then what? Was I broken? Back then, the only sexualities we were aware of were straight, gay, lesbian, bi and some of us knew a little bit about being transgender. I’ll be honest, school was shite in teaching us about sexualities. Like it wasn’t covered. Never brought up. Our sex ed was pretty abysmal, but that’s a whole other story.
I’ve said it many times in my life and I’ll say it again – I learnt so much more from the internet than I did in school because the education system is fucking shit and learning about tectonic plates and the battle of hastings has served no purpose to me in life. After meeting people from all walks of life, I became a lot more woke than I ever was and that’s when I learnt about the other sexualities. I heard about demisexuality and I felt like I could relate. So far, I’ve only ever had maybe 3 crushes in life. Like where I genuinely, really liked a guy. I knew those were feelings because they were strong that there were physical side effects. But where my friends have had lots of crushes and even relationships, I lacked a lot in comparison. I felt abnormal. I think the reason I never wanted a relationship in school was because I was the target. All guys I knew were either horrible to me or identifying as gay. Like there was no inbetween. As for females, I soon came to the conclusion that I had no attraction there from what I’d experienced.
The more I learnt about demisexuality, the more I felt like it fitted me. And so almost a year ago, I came out as demisexual and feel I fit in the ACE community. I’ve felt so much more comfortable with myself knowing this is how I identified and while some family and friends think there’s no need to put a label on everything, I just felt like knowing the definition of being demisexual fitted me made me feel like there wasn’t anything “wrong” with me.
Sadly, all three crushes didn’t have a happy ending for me, but I learnt from each experience and I feel like I’ve grown as a person from each of them. But, I’m 21 and hopefully someday something will happen. But whereas hook ups, one night stands and the like are what my friends may be interested in, I’d rather be friends with someone first, get to know them and take it step by step. I only ever feel sexual and romantic attraction if I feel close to the person. It’s just how I like things to be and that’s totally okay.
Having so many friends who identify as queer has been really interesting to learn from as they educate me, particularly those who act as advocates for the community. More often that not, wander off into deep thought about anything and everything and after going off into a tangent with my thoughts, I came up with a theory about sexuality…
There are seven billion people on this Earth. That’s a lot of people. So the what’s the likelihood that there is someone out there that is compatible to you in the best ways possible more than anyone else? Extremely high. The likelihood they could be the same gender/a gender you don’t have an attraction with? There’s probably a good possibility. The likelihood that we will meet 7 billion people in our lifetime and wind up meeting said person? Uh, not so high. What I’m saying is, what are the chances that there’s the one out there that if we were introduced to them and they were were the same gender as us and we are attracted to them? How would you know you’re not attracted if you don’t meet them? I’m not saying “there’s no such thing as heterosexuality” or “you’ll like someone of a different gender but you don’t know it”, what I’m saying is that maybe, if the world brought you and the one who is the same gender as you together… maybe that one person could be the deal breaker on your sexuality. For the most part you may identify as straight but maybe, just maybe, there’s one person who could change that for you. Even the homophobes.
Like I said previously, it’s not like I’ve researched this, got proof, facts and the like, it’s just something that’s been a thought. A possibility that could be a thing.
Anyway, love is love and it’s fucking beautiful. I support all sexualities and genders and love is there for everyone – be it romantic, platonic, whatever. GO PRIDE.