Journal, Uncategorized

Do you really mean it? 

Do you really mean it? You know, when you claim to be the friend who will be there for me to talk to when I’m battling my demons?
Because here’s the funny story – we become friends, end up earning trust to a level where I can open up to you about my difficult battle and you say “well if you ever need anything or someone to talk to, I’ll always be here for you.”
But, as the nights turn dark and lonely with only the company of my violent and deadly thoughts that consume my mind and take over my rationality, I try to prepare for the war and when I call for back up, it’s like I’m invisible to you. I’m hiding behind my small shield, using my useless dagger to fend off any villainous emotions and feelings but as I call out to you in my time of need, you fail to response. I give a cry once, twice, three times but alas, you fail to support me and there I stand, consumed by the enemy who I am too weak and frail to continue fighting and so I let them win and take over. I side with them as I receive my punishment for simply existing. You chose to ignore me and I cannot blame you because who really wants to be dealing with someone else’s problems? It’s just misleading that you’ve made a false promise.
One day, you and I will distance and you will go on to live your life unscathed and I shall continue this repetitive fight but one day I fear things will go too far and I will lose this ongoing war and you are not to blame. But I beg of you, please do not try and play the hero when I have fallen. Please do not say those dreaded words: “if only she had talked to me I was always there for her” because despite my absence on this Earth the reality of it all will be a secret we share – that I was a burden on you and you simply did not want to deal with that. And that’s okay. But don’t take on the role of the mourning knight in shining armour for the attention you do not deserve for the false pretensions you have given.