It’s currently midnight on 30th May and I’m finally letting the adrenaline highs from a music gig settle down. Yesterday was pretty interesting in the good kind of way. As you know, I write for United By Pop and yesterday I had the pleasure of interviewing singer-songwriter turned YouTuber, Emma Blackery.

I’ve been a supporter of Emma’s for some time, now. I love her music and her sense of humour, but her being a fellow LUSH fan really drew me to being a regular viewer of her channel. My friend, Lily, and I often watch her videos and talk about the products she discusses. I’ve been doing interviews since I was 15, but I still very much get anxiety, but having been rather poorly with my mental health for about six months, this was my first interview since beginning to get back on my feet and the anxiety was quite something.

Put it this way, my mother always tells me to go out and do what I want to do in life, but I was so anxious, she was suggesting I call the thing off. But I couldn’t. I knew.knew that if I let my demons win again, I will be kicking myself for a good few months. It’s happened before and I wasn’t going to let it happen again.

My cousin, Emily, was my plus one to the concert that night after Emma’s PR kindly gave us press tickets in exchange of a review. We decided to get to Cardiff a few hours earlier because we haven’t seen each other in a while and also, going to do something would ease my stress a bit. Emily was a total saint and really calmed me down throughout the day, but when it came around to the interview, the anxious side of me took over again.

I felt exhausted – I spent the past 72 hours in and out of hospital for other health issues and though I slept the night before, my body was pretty fed up. But those anxious vibes were racing around me. I was listing every single possible issue that could go wrong.

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It was in no way my intention to start my journal with such an emotional post, but I need to just share my thoughts without having to physically speak about it.

I was in my room, as per usual, at around 11pm when my friend, Josh, tweeted about an “incident” that had happened at Ariana Grande’s concert in Manchester. I checked it out and saw Twitter had made a moment with different tweets, early news reports and panicked fans tweeting out videos of what was happening. At first, it was just rumoured that a giant helium balloon had burst following the finale of Grande’s set, but when I saw a news reporter say he could see some fans covered in blood along with hundreds of emergency services rushing to the scene following the reports of an explosion.

I ran downstairs and put BBC News on to see BREAKING across the screen and news reporters live at the scene. It was still really early on and nobody knew what was going on. Many were hoping and praying it was an electrical explosion because God help if it was what any of us feared it would be.

As a massive music supporter, I live and breathe the life of being a fan. I support a number of artists passionately. I’ve made friends around the globe; many whom I have met in person, been supportive of every project they do and of course, attended the concerts. For me, my entire year is a countdown to the next concert I attend. I love to plan the whole day of the event. When I’ll meet friends, seeing what fan projects are taking place, what I’ll wear, seeing whether or not I’ll be staying at a hotel and sorting things out for there, too. I know the feeling of that adrenaline high when the artist has left the stage and though it’s a bit sad the show is over, you’re still feeling that rush running through your entire body and the energy is oh so high in the venue. Your mind is buzzing with excitement as you try and find your way outside to meet with other people and embark on your journey from the concert. I’ve often heard funny noises leaving that kind of environment and being a jumpy and anxious person, I always assume the worst, but so far every unusual noise I’ve experience has proven to be nothing but equipment. I cannot fathom the kinds of vibes and thoughts of the people in Manchester Arena that night when they realised it was a dangerous situation and they had to get out as soon as possible. Continue reading